Numb

Numb, that is the best way I can explain how I feel right now. I want to feel sad or angry, but I am not. I am highly disappointed though. That I can assure you. I even feel guilty as I feel I am letting people down. Yesterday the doctor informed me the treatment is no longer working. My results in July were so promising so we had high hopes. But just like that, in the blink of an eye, as if flipping a switch, it isn’t working.

My tumor marker increased to nearly what it was in February when I began my treatment with MD Anderson. And the tumors that had shrank in size between March and July grew larger again. Since I received the news a few days ago that two of my fellow MBC sisters passed recently, this change in prognosis has hit me a little harder. They both declined so quickly. Within three or four months of starting a new treatment regiment. The reality is, it could happen to me too.

I am not ready to check out just yet. I look forward to spending more time with my husband, family and friends. The dream of us owning a nice home and property where we can raise a few chickens and who knows what else, still dances in my head. Of course, I have many more countries in which to travel and experience! My faith in my Heavenly Father and His plan is my assurance that everything will be alright, no matter what.