A Life Well Lived!

It was six months ago today that Brandee took the last great journey of her life.  While I held her hand and watched her take one last breath, she passed on to Heaven at 1:44 AM on 15 March, 2021.  She was the best part of my life and losing her brought me to my knees.  The only comfort I have is that she no longer has to fight; and the constant pain has now been replaced with the joy of being in the presence of God.  I didn’t read her blog when we were traveling because I wanted to read it when our RV adventures were over; as a way to remember all the good times we had together on the trip.  I’ve now read through it three times and it always hurts to see that she didn’t get the opportunity to finish what she started.  So, I’m going to attempt to finish it for her with this one final entry…here goes.

In Brandee’s last post (around mid-February), she described an invasive procedure that was to be done on her left lung.  Well, that didn’t happen.  The doctors decided that she was too weak to have the procedure and instead, placed a catheter in her left lung which matched the one in her right lung.  So we basically had to drain her lungs daily, alternating between the left and the right lung each day.  She also continued to lose weight because she had issues with eating and digestion.  Between the coughing, breathing issues and lack of strength, Brandee was having a very hard time and spent most of her days on the couch.  She couldn’t even come to bed because it was too painful to try and get up, walk across the RV and climb the 3 steps to our bedroom.  I will tell you that even with all of her issues, I never once heard her complain about her cancer.

During this time, her parents had come back out to visit us in Houston and to help me take care of Brandee.  I had also been job hunting and had been hired as a Project Manager for a construction firm in the Detroit area.  Our plan was that I would return home and start working and find a house for us to move into.  Once the house was bought, I would bring Brandee up from Houston and we would settle in the Detroit area, closer to my family.  I really didn’t want to leave her but Brandee insisted that I go and start my job so that we could get back to Michigan.  The doctors were also telling us that we had plenty of options for treatment. So, we were optimistic that she would rebound with a new treatment plan, just like she had done several times in the past.  I left Brandee with her parents on 3 March and drove home to Michigan to start my new job.  We weren’t thinking that it would turn out the way they did.  Honestly, I still regret leaving her to this day!

I started work on 8 March and by that evening her mother, Sandee, called me and told me that Brandee was taken to the hospital the night before and that she wasn’t doing well.  When I called Brandee to see what was going on, she downplayed it and asked me to stay in Michigan and not give up the job.  There was no way I was staying put and I started on my way back the next morning.  During the entire drive back I kept thinking that she was going to be OK once the doctors got her back on a good treatment plan.  We talked a few times during my trip back and she seemed to be taking things in stride. So, I was not aware just how bad her condition had become.  As I was crossing into Texas, she called and had me talk with her doctor; that’s when I learned that there was nothing more that could be done for her.  The cancer had spread too much and she was too weak for any further treatments.  I broke down emotionally and had to pull over for a while.  I finally arrived back in Houston early morning of 11 March and went to see Brandee.

We were so happy to see each other that we just held each other for a while.  I could see that she was not doing well at all and had a hard time sitting up in bed.  The doctors told me she was too frail to travel back to Michigan.  So, I had Brandee moved to the Palliative Care Unit the next day and I stayed with her and helped her with whatever she needed as she declined health wise.  We talked about all that we had done together, rehashing memories of the last 30 years.  We even talked about what the future might look like for me and the boys.  By the third day (13 March) she had declined to the point where she was having a hard time talking.  Although the doctors and nurses had told me that she can have visitors if we moved her to the Palliative Care Unit, I still had to argue with the doctors at this point to allow her mom and dad to come up to see her.  They finally relented and allowed her parents only four hours of visitation.  They brought her brother and our oldest son with them (unfortunately, our younger son, Brandon, pictured below, was stuck in Canada because of Covid restrictions).  So, she got one final opportunity to have most of her family around her and I know she was thankful for that.

Our last day together was pretty quiet.  Brandee had declined to the point that she was unable to talk much.  She had not been able to sleep the last couple of days and she was on high doses of Morphine for the pain.  When the pain got bad enough, she would sit up in bed and wait for it to subside and then lay back down.  When the doctors came in that morning, they were amazed that she was still conscious and able to pull herself up in bed because her vitals were so low.  I told them that “she’s always been a fighter and doesn’t know when to quit.” Later that day, the pain got bad enough for the doctors to take her off the Morphine and put her on another pain medication that was stronger.  She was finally able to relax a bit and just concentrate on breathing.  As the hours ticked away, her breathing became more labored and we held hands and just stared at each other most of the night.  We were both so tired and I know she wanted to go but her body just wouldn’t quit.  I watched her finally take her last breath and slip away in the early morning hours of 15 March.  And I have not been the same since!

If you had asked her, Brandee would have told you that she had a good life and that she tried to live it to the fullest.  She had lots of good friends, she raised two wonderful kids, she had the best husband she could have ever asked for (her words, not mine), she made it to the big 5-0 (see video), she stuck around long enough to become a Grandma and she even got to travel to a lot of different places around the US and the world.  Brandee would also tell you that she stumbled a few times along the way, but with the grace of God, she got up, learn from it and kept moving forward.  She told me that it felt like she was leaving a lot of things undone because she had big plans for us; and that one of her biggest regrets was not being able to go through her stuff (that is still in storage) and get rid of it, so I didn’t have to do it by myself.  I’m definitely not looking forward to that!

In retrospect, the end of us was pretty much like the beginning of us.  Our first night together was spent sitting on a couch with most of the lights off and just talking and smiling at each other until the sun came up.  It was just me and her; she would laugh at my jokes and I would laugh at her stories…I loved her from that night on.  Our last night together was spent much the same way.  It was just me and her with most of the lights off.  I held her hand and told her about some of my favorite things I remember from our life together.  Although she couldn’t respond, I know that she was smiling inside.  She passed on to Heaven knowing that she was loved!