Hello to all my blog followers! I know it has been awhile. I apologize. I have really fallen short and honestly, been wallowing in a bit of self pity these last two months. We had planned a wonderful Christmas vacation in Sun Valley, ID with my parents, brother and oldest son to which didn’t turn out quite like I had envisioned. This is due to my lungs filling with fluid which limits my activities immensely. Here are a couple of our photos of our SV adventures.
I hit a milestone January 14th, my 50th birthday! This was huge for me because several years ago I had predicted that I wouldn’t see that day. Talk about being emotional that day. Wow!
My first admittance into the hospital to have the lungs drained was December 30. Mind you, I got to spend the NY holiday in the hospital. WooHoo! After removing 2100 cc’s of fluid, historically, I would bounce back within a few days and be back on my feet doing the things I enjoy. It didn’t happen this way. By January 8th, I knew something was wrong. I was admitted again the 15th and they removed another liter from the left lung. Still no response. On the 25th I visited pulmonary and found out my lungs were full again and we drained 2 liters, plus the doctor inserted a catheter into the right lung. We now drain it daily at home, averaging 200-250 cc’s.
So here I am a month later and I am going in tomorrow for a pleurodesis on the left lung. It is a more invasive procedure, but we are hoping that the lining will adhere to the lung and eliminate this pleura effusion from accumulating. On top of all this, I have struggled with eating and essentially lost nearly 20 lbs in the last 1 1/2 months.
Now the question is, how does all this make me feel? Well, I admit I have not been feeling like the strong, fearless women to which everyone describes me. I have been frustrated with the ongoing lack of energy, sheer exhaustion, continued coughing, almost zero lung capacity and the eating issues. Bottom line, I have been an emotional mess and cry at the drop of a hat. I have tried to put it all in God’s hands and remind myself he is in control. But there is the fear that this could be the beginning of the end and dang it, I’m not ready to check out just quite yet. There you have it, I am a real person that can be vulnerable and scared and sometimes, I breakdown. I will keep up the good fight.
i’m sending a hug. prayers for you
Patty