This afternoon my day took a shift downward as I learned one of my friends and a fellow MBC sister passed away this weekend of this damn disease. I had been thinking of her often lately for some reason and kept planning to contact her, but I would get distracted or it was not an opportune time. Even today, I thought to myself, “I really need to contact Jen. I need to see how she is doing.”
It wasn’t that long ago that I saw her at T-Mobile Arena (where I was working) rockin’ out at one of the concerts, enjoying life and having a great time. This is the first friend I have lost to the disease. My emotions and thoughts are all over the place. Obviously, I am grieving for the loss of this sweet soul. My heart goes out to her children and her parents. But I am reminded how quickly this disease can take over.
It is hard for me to articulate or even identify my emotions exactly. I have cried a couple of times today. Even while typing this blog. I try to not be fearful, as I put my faith and trust in God. But I am human and I feel fear. It scares me that I will get worse. The unknown as to how soon the disease may overtake me. Sometimes, I “forget” I have this disease and live my life as though I have many years ahead. Positive envisioning and an attitude is detrimental to fighting this disease.
I catch myself thinking about my mortality like planning my funeral or about those I will leave behind. I get sad that I might not get to grow old with my husband or see my eldest son marry or watch the grandkids grow. I even worry I won’t be able to do or see all the exciting things I want to before my body begins to fail me. I tend to be pragmatic when it comes to my disease. None of us are getting off this earth alive!! I’m not angry I have cancer. We all have to go from something. This is just the card I was dealt and I will play the hand as well as I can. I’m just sad my friend had to fold.
My lesson for today, don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today. Whether that is calling a friend right away when that little voice tells you to, venturing out to explore your neighborhood or going to dinner with a loved one. Time….none of us know how much we have and it could be gone before you know it. Embrace your life and live it to the fullest.
I’m taking this moment to tell you how much I love you. YOU are such an amazing person and friend. You have been the strength for so many and it’s time for you to lean on us for love and support. I am one phone call away if you ever need me for anything!!! God is with you and he know his plan for all of us!
Love ya
xoxo
val
My dear friend I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your support and prayers. I know you shower them on me and I am grateful. I love you too and have cherished our friendship all of these 20 something years. Unfortunately, our plans don’t always line up with God’s, but who am I to question as I cannot see the bigger picture. That is why it is important to live life to the fullest, humble ourselves before our Lord, and love our fellow man. Blessings to you always
Thanks for this. Today was the Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur. Our day of atonement. This whole past week was one of introspection, personal inventory, making amends, and cleaning the slate. To come home after a day of prayer and read your blog was extremely meaningful. Were all on this journey together. My prayers are with you always. Your sharing from your blogs help me realize too how precious our moments are. Thanks again.
Thank you Mark for your kind words. I am moved by your comments and I pray my journey can continue to inspire those around me. God bless