I Chose

“You look great.” I hear this comment fairly regularly. It is nice and I am happy I don’t look sickly and frail. And most of the time I feel pretty good. None-the-less, I do have some side effects from treatment and my cancer, I just do not allow them to get in my way. Thankfully, they are fairly mild and tolerable. But this could be changing soon.

The inside doesn’t always reflect the outside though. I flew to Las Vegas yesterday from Minneapolis to meet with my oncologist to discuss my next course of treatment because my scans show a progression in disease. My doctor wants to treat me aggressively with an oral chemotherapy and a new aromatase inhibitor. I will be on chemo for my fourth time. Not cool.

So how do I feel learning that my most recent treatment hasn’t helped? Disappointed. Maybe a bit annoyed (waste of time). A little sad (mainly for my family). I will tell you I am not angry. There’s no one to be angry at. I’m not even really angry with my cancer. It is what it is. Nor am I fearful (at least right now). I fear not because I put my faith in God. No matter what his plans, I trust that he will take care of me.

The negative feelings achieve absolutely nothing. I chose to have a positive outlook, to live my life to the fullest and to not let cancer control me. Live, love, laugh!