Battling cancer sucks. I am apart of several social media pages and one of the more frequent concerns is that of reoccurance. After my initial battle of cancer, I admit, I was not concerned that the cancer would return. I felt quite confident that I had beaten the monster. Little did I know that it would morph and return as a different beast. And boy did it take its vengeance on me.
In December my most recent tests indicated that I was not responding to the treatment which included an oral chemotherapy and an inhibitor. With that said, we ceased the protocol aside from the inhibitor. I contacted MD Anderson and have an appointment later this month; but it will be two months since seeing a doctor. Unfortunately, I sense that I am getting worse and declining.
First, I experience shortness of breath more often; especially with activity or exertion, but also if the temperature is too cold. Even bending over or laying down, I notice I gasp for air on occasion. Next, my cough is slowly returning. I have not struggled with a cough since 2015. It has progressively worsened in the last two to three weeks. I can only suspect that without any real treatment for two months, the cancer is spreading.
Admittedly, I am fearful that it will take hold of me without warning. I keep thinking, “No, you are not getting the best of me right now. I have more to see and do.” I am determined to go to Thailand next year! However, I cannot help but also think about the “what if’s” and contemplate needing to start to prepare for the worst. Our belongings are in storage and I need time to sort through them; deciding on what to do with some of my keepsakes. I just don’t want to leave that to Al.
I try to remain positive and upbeat, but the truth is, I am human. I struggle with the idea that I may not be around a lot longer. Mostly, I feel sad for my family and friends. But even in my darkest moments, when I become teary-eyed and emotional, God is with me always. Nonetheless, I get a little pissed once-in-awhile and you know what? That is ok.
We are always here for you and always in our prayers. Keep fighting and keep the faith. You know how much you are loved!
I love your last foto behind the tree.
Thank you Mom. Love you too
I just feel like I am at a loss for words because I am so pissed!!! I am thinking and praying for you all the time. Not just for you to get better but that you don’t get bad symptoms. I am here anytime. Love you my dear friend♥️
Thank you my friend. We always have Thailand to look forward to!! Continue the prayers…xo
We love and miss you so much. You are always in our thoughts and prayers. Love, Kim and Mark
Thank you Kimmie!
This post killed me. Even knowing you’ve had cancer for all of these years, it never seemed likely that you’d succumb to it. So many prayers that your Oncologist @ MD Anderson is able to get you into the Trial and give you many more years of travels, life, and love. Always in my heart… -e
E-
I know you, like others in my life, struggle with the reality that this disease is a beast and it may come call my name someday. I will continue to give it my best fight. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I’m always just a phone call away if you need to touch base!! xoxo